The Oregon Trail

(I apologize in advance if you're too young or too old to get the joke here.)

Dear Friends and Family,

Megan and I traveled to the Oregon Trail ruts yesterday. These are ruts left in the ground from when the settlers traveled West some 160+ years ago in Conestoga Wagons.

The attached photo (Oregon Trail.jpg) is something we stumbled upon while walking near the Oregon Trail...I've stumbled across stuff like that before but only on the computer.

We had some other odd circumstances. We had to caulk the Mountaineer to crosse the Platte River because we couldn't find an Indian to help us ford the river and it's too narrow to take a $5 ferry across. (Platte River.jpg)

I apologize for the bad angle, but Megan is sick with typhoid fever, the whooping cough and has a broken leg.

The children aren't doing well either. Assmaster has cholera. Shithead has dysentery. And Turd Ferguson is trying to overcome a rattlesnake bite.

But it gets worse. A thief came and stole 3 sets of clothing last night. We're down to 20 bullets. Three of the oxen are sick and I had to put one down already. The goddamn wagon keeps breaking and I can't repair the axle, wheels or the tongue. We're all in poor health and down to our last 300 lbs. of food and everytime I go hunting I can only find these goddamn jack rabbits.

The buffalo are all gone and even if I could shoot one, I can only carry 100 lbs. of food per day.

Motherfucker. Who's idea was it to settle out west anyway? "THERE'S GOLD," they said. FUCK 'EM. FUCK 'EM ALL.

Hope all is well with you,
Adam and Megan